Popular Theories about Love

Love is an abstract concept that is much easier to experience than to explain. It describes an intense emotional state or feeling of affection. According to scientific explanations, love is influenced by hormones, such as oxycotin, and pheremones. Brain scans of those infatuated by love display a resemblance to those with a mental illness. Use this guide to learn about popular theories of love and to answer the question “What is love?” Interpersonal LoveLove between human beings is referred to as interpersonal love. According to wikipedia.org, some feelings that are associated with interpersonal love are:Affection: feelings of tenderness and/or wanting physical closenessAttachment: satisfying basic emotional needsAltruism: selfless or unselfish concern for anotherReciprocation: if love is mutualCommitment: a desire to maintain loveEmotional intimacy: sharing emotions and feelingsFriendship: the spirit between friendsKinship: family bondsPassion: whole-hearted desirePhysical intimacy: sharing of intimate personal spaceSelf-interest: desiring rewardsService: desire to helpConditional vs. Unconditional LoveConditional love is love that is earned on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions. The person may express an attitude such as I love you, but only if you act a certain way and may withdraw love if the partner does not live up to the person’s standards. Conditional love is common in adult relationships and even between parents and children. Unconditional love involves showing love towards another person regardless of his or her actions or beliefs. The term unconditional love is typically used to describe love between family members and people in committed relationships. The term also has religious connotations, describing God’s love for mankind. The basic theme of conditional love revolves around the idea that if a person does not act a certain way, he or she will be rejected.Theories of LoveThere are several different theories of love, the most popular being the Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love and Love Styles developed by Susan and Clyde Hendrick. The basic premises of both theories suggest that there are specific stages of love as well as specific emotions. Triangular Theory of Love Robert Sternberg, a psychologist from Tufts University, proposes a "triangular theory of love." It is Sternberg's contention that true love needs to have three different components to thrive. The components of Sternberg's theory are as follows:Passion is the first part of the equation. This is the desire that prompts many to wonder if they are on the road to discovering the meaning of love. Also known as "chemistry," passion is the strong and often overwhelming physical attraction two people feel for each other. While it is a component of love, this feeling alone does not answer the question of what true love is, according to Sternberg. Intimacy involves a deep, personal connection between two people. When a couple opens up and is willing to share thoughts, feelings, dreams and even the negative aspects of life, intimacy develops. This component tends to take time to grow. While passion burns hot at the start of a relationship, true intimacy takes some work on the part of both people. If intimacy cannot be built, the chances of true love developing or being present are decreased.Commitment is the last component of Sternberg's triangle. This is the desire to and the act of pledging oneself to another. While commitment is key in answering what love is, when it is present without the other two factors, empty love results.Commitment-based relationships without all three factors are described using the following terms: fatuous, companionate and empty. Fatuous love involves passion and commitment without the depth of intimacy. Companionate love is the type of love that involves commitment and intimacy, yet lacks passion. It can be the foundation for a relationship or even a phase a couple goes through as passion ebbs and flows with time. Empty love is described as love that is generally not satisfying for either person in the relationship.According to Sternberg, true love involves a slow, gradual development of all three of these factors over time. True love can develop rather quickly, but generally a foundation of intimacy and commitment needs to be present to ensure a relationship endures and continues to grow in periods where passion might not be quite as high. Love styles Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick developed a Loves Attitude Scale based on John Alan Lee's theory called Love styles. Lee identified six basic theories that people use in their interpersonal relationships: Eros — Eros is characterized by passionate physical love based on physical appearance. Eros is a type of romantic love that is characterized by lust and is based on physical appearance.Ludus — Ludus is playful love. This type of love consists of playful interactions, but lacks intimacy and intensity. Storge — Storge is commonly referred to as friendship-based love. Storge is an affectionate love that develops slowly based on similarity. This type of love consists of very little physical intimacy; rather it is based on shared values and companionship instead. Pragma — Pragmatic love. Pragma occurs when a person actively searches for a partner who has specific characteristics. This is a practical type of love, rather than romantic or passionate.Mania — Also know as troubled love, Mania is highly emotional and unstable love. Mania is the stereotype of romantic love and is defined as intense and intimate.Agape — Agape is selfless, altruistic, spiritual love. This is considered the purest form of love or true love. Relationships based on similar love styles tend to last longer. An interesting find by Hendrick suggests that men tend to be more ludic and manic when in love, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Emotionally Healthy Love Emotionally healthy adults are comfortable saying the words I love you with depth and feeling. They are also comfortable showing affection to others and expressing loving feelings emotionally, physically, verbally and sexually. The ability to appropriately express love in a nonsexual way is an indicator of emotional health, as is the ability to receive love from another person.Unrequited Love Unrequited love refers to feelings of love which are not reciprocated. The beloved may or may not be aware of this person’s deep love for him or her. The following tips will help you deal with unrequited love: Avoid seeing the person – Try not to frequent the same places that he or she frequents. If you work with the person, this can be difficult; however, the less exposure you have to him or her, the faster you will heal. Keep yourself busy – The busier you are, the less time you will spend thinking about the person. Laughter is a good method for alleviating some of the hurt you are experiencing. Spend time with people you care about during this difficult time. Treat yourself – Be kind to yourself when dealing with rejection. You may want to get a massage or buy yourself something new. Shopping can be somewhat therapeutic for some people. This will also help keep you distracted and allow you to get your mind off of the person. Seek counseling – If the pain of rejection is too much to cope with, therapy is an option. Searching for the answer to the meaning of love is like trying to decipher the meaning of life. While some people crave a love that is undying and infinitely passionate, other people are content to share companionship. Are You In Love? Could you be falling in love? You have told yourself that it is just a crush. After all, you are just really good friends, right? Though a relationship with him would be nice and he is the right kind of guy... No, you're being silly; he is completely wrong for you - isn't he? Figuring out if it is love is Relationships based on similar love styles tend to last longer. An interesting find by Hendrick suggests that men tend to be more ludic and manic when in love, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Emotionally Healthy Love Emotionally healthy adults are comfortable saying the words I love you with depth and feeling. They are also comfortable showing affection to others and expressing loving feelings emotionally, physically, verbally and sexually. The ability to appropriately express love in a nonsexual way is an indicator of emotional health, as is the ability to receive love from another person.Unrequited Love Unrequited love refers to feelings of love which are not reciprocated. The beloved may or may not be aware of this person’s deep love for him or her. The following tips will help you deal with unrequited love: Avoid seeing the person – Try not to frequent the same places that he or she frequents. If you work with the person, this can be difficult; however, the less exposure you have to him or her, the faster you will heal. Keep yourself busy – The busier you are, the less time you will spend thinking about the person. Laughter is a good method for alleviating some of the hurt you are experiencing. Spend time with people you care about during this difficult time. Treat yourself – Be kind to yourself when dealing with rejection. You may want to get a massage or buy yourself something new. Shopping can be somewhat therapeutic for some people. This will also help keep you distracted and allow you to get your mind off of the person. Seek counseling – If the pain of rejection is too much to cope with, therapy is an option. Searching for the answer to the meaning of love is like trying to decipher the meaning of life. While some people crave a love that is undying and infinitely passionate, other people are content to share companionship. Are You In Love? Could you be falling in love? You have told yourself that it is just a crush. After all, you are just really good friends, right? Though a relationship with him would be nice and he is the right kind of guy... No, you're being silly; he is completely wrong for you - isn't he? Figuring out if it is love is never easy. Instead of questioning yourself, take this quiz and find out if what you feel is real.